I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
