Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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