Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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