he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
