I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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