My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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