i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
