I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
