i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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