if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
