I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
