I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
