You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
