I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
