With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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