and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
