My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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