that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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