I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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