just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
