There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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