____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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