Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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