Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
