absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
