as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
