went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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