I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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