Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You pole danced in your parka.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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