Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
