Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
one might say we're banned from that church
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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