Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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