I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
