I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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