how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
