nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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