he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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