the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
