I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can't special order awesome
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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