one two three fourrrrnication!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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