Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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