you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
