The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
