never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
