i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
