remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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