i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
