I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
