But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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