I wish I could punch you in the face.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
