My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize