I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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