WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
