he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
