gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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