He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
