Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
