he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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