I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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