y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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