just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
