So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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