Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
