I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
