No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
