Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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