Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
