i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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