masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
