I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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