Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
