The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
