I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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