imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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