I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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