mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
