the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
